Swagwire Scripted Moments 1.1: The First Date
Posted by Dondi West | Posted in Family Wellness , Scripted Moments , Style | Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009
This is the first of what will be a collection of Swagwire’s Scripted Moments. Judge Swagwire begins by explaining his concept of the “Scripted Moment.” A scripted moment is one that you have prepared for in advance. You have pregamed it in your head several times, and when that moment comes you say something or do something just right and it comes off so naturally that it seems like you have done it a million times. The King of Scripted Moments is President Barack Obama…after reading this article, watch President Obama and see if you can recognize a scripted moment. The way he dresses, the way he adjusts to his crowd, the way he is on point when answering an awkward question…matter-of-fact, lets examine him answering an awkward question. You can bet he was anticipating it, and when he answers, what could have been a Sarah Palin interview, turns into what you know of as the most charismatic president ever. He has taken what could have been a difficult question and made it into a slow pitched softball…we all know the many homeruns he has hit when interviewing. The rest is history. The scripted moment concept can be applied in all facets of life. Judge Swagwire starts with dating because he is married and his memory is quickly fading on the topic. Nevertheless below are 5 Scripted Moments for a first date.
- It begins when you arrive to pick her up. You will not be the guy who honks his horn or who calls on your cell phone for her to come outside. You will relish the opportunity to pick her up because it may give you face-time with others who might decide your fate. Before leaving your car, YOU WILL set the music to be something impressionable. Not too boring and certainly not the song “Whoop that Trick.” The music in your console will tell her a lot about you. This is your way of controlling that opinion. One ride to a restaurant with obscene language booming in her ears and you will not get a call back. Next, when you get to the door, your knock will be scripted. Before you enter, your knock is all that will be known about you, and in the few seconds it takes to answer the door, an opinion can be formed about you. Imagine what her father will think if you knock so loud and abrasive that a picture falls off the wall. You don’t know who will be inside, could be her parents, roommate, or best friend. Your knock is your first impression and is important. It sets the tone for the entire night. It is on point because it was scripted.
- Script the conversation that will occur while riding to the place. Topics can include, why you chose this restaurant. How was her week? If someone was at her house, remark that the person was nice and ask a question to get her to talk about that person. Are there any important landmarks in route to the place? Talk about the news. Tell her how much Tiger Woods sucks. 10% of the conversation should be about you. 70% of the conversation should be about her and her “interesting” life--prompted by your questions, and the other 20% will be about things like the news, weather, politics, and the restaurant. Emphasis on 10% being about you—anything over 10% and she will think you are arrogant—not confident, but arrogant. The worst offenses are usually related to YOUR job, how much money you make, who you know (women hate name-droppers). Even if you know and just left Jay Z’s house, this is NOT to come up. There will be a much bigger effect if she finds out who you know on her own, which she will because she will be on your Facebook page if you make it past this date.
- Script how you will order your drinks. Look at the menu in advance and have a wine MEMORIZED so you will order it without looking at the menu. Most restaurant menus are posted online. After you have memorized your drink, also memorize at least one drink/wine that you can recommend to her. Notice my emphasis on wine. This is NOT the time to be trying to get a buzz. This is not a time to order your personal vanity drink (i.e. Red Bull/Vodka, Knotty-Head, Incredible Hulk, Ape Aid, Nupe Juice, etc.). The most risky you will be with drinks is wine. Beer is a no-no because you won’t stick out. Women think all guys drink beer and by ordering beer you have stripped your Swagwire status because now you are not sticking out from the pack. If you must (and only if you absolutely must) order a strong drink, keep it simple (i.e. vodka/tonic, rum and coke, etc.). Lastly, absolutely no “fruity” drinks like strawberry daiquiri—no need to explain why. If you are a non-drinker, still script this moment. Do not order “the usual” (i.e. iced tea or coke). Like with beer above, take this moment to do something different. Order a ginger ale, sparkling water, or something else that shows her you are not a normal guy. This scripted moment is important.
- Script how you interact with the restaurant staff during the date. Most guys are absolute gentleman and put on a great show for their date, only to be rude and obnoxious to the wait staff. A woman will watch how you treat your waiter. Swagwire says be MORE NICE to your waiter than your date. Look at their name tag and call them by name. Smile at them. Say thank you EVERYTIME they bring or do something. NEVER snap your fingers at them. Look them in the eye when addressing them. ONLY complain if there is an extreme reason to complain. This is NOT the time to show your date how macho you are by complaining that you only got three ice cubes in your water. Only complain or send food back if there is something REALLY BAD going on. Spending time to complain and being a jerk takes attention off your date, it takes attention from the moment you two are sharing, most importantly; it takes attention from you and gives you less time to make a good impression.
- You absolutely must script your closing. Of course script the ride back (see #2 above). Let her know how great of a time you had. Let her know you will follow up. You absolutely will NOT try to go to her place for “coffee.” In fact when you walk her to the door, you will not even try to get a kiss…again, this is a time to stick out from the pack. Most guys will try to have “coffee” that night. Those who don’t, will try to get a nasty slobbering kiss at the door. Swagwire is against this. This is your time to show her you are different from the norm. Anything else makes you seem desperate, undisciplined, and out of control. You can take control by cracking a joke and saying something like “I would come up for coffee BUT….” This will do three things. It will take away this awkward moment for her. It will let her know that you are funny, but respectful. At the same time it will let her know that you are confident. A lot of women will feel sorry for a lame guy and indeed give them a kiss on the lips, but that doesn’t make it right. What you will do is close with a soft peck on her hand, on her forehead, or a hug if you can’t figure out what vibe she is giving off. When you get home you WILL NOT call her. She is busy letting all her friends know how the date went. You will send a text. This affirms your interest while at the same time not being too intrusive. You will follow up with a call the next EVENING—just enough time that she will start wondering if she will see you again, but not so long that you don’t appear disinterested. Good luck!
I think the article was great... I think if men follow these rules they should definately get a second date... BTW in addition to how men treat the waiter, we also look if he is a gentlemen to everyone or just to his date. It does make a difference (ie. does he hold the door for all of the ladies or just his date)
Thank you, that was extremely valuable and interesting...I will be back again to read more on this topic.
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